you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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