Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
