I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
