Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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