Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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