life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish you could order shots online.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
