he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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