I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
