like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
