Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
