I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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