We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
