Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize