hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
