I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
