I wish my penis had an off switch
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
