you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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