I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
