morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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