How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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