; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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