So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
