i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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