i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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