so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
