grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
