IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
