We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
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My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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