my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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