Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize