she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
