She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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