I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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