Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my poor anus
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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