Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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