Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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