paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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