Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
