They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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