She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
