u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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