and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
