Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
