She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
