Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
