found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
