eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
