some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
