You really coming over, don't trick.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
