I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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