i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
