Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
