I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
