very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
