don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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