I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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