It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
