You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
