btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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