So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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