No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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