Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
