he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
