I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
