Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
