Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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