South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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