Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
