Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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