Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
