2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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