i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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