Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
